You Too Can Live Biblically

Just follow in my sandal-steps.

Wear sandals
As this site itself says, these sandals are “comfortable enough to wander in for 40 years.”

Eat Ezekiel Bread
Perhaps the best recipe in the Bible is the bread that God commanded Ezekiel to eat for 390 days straight. It’s got wheat, rye, millet, lentils and beans. (Note: If you are really committed, you should cook it over cow dung, as Ezekiel did. I wasn’t that committed).

Play the 10-string Harp
Psalm 33 instructs us to praise the Lord on a harp of ten strings. The Tiffany’s of 10-string harps is this place, Jubilee Harps.


Carry a staff
This walking stick is pretty close to a staff. It’s called the Walden Walker, and is apparently for those who “move to a Thoreauvian rhythm.”

Drink Goat’s milk
In biblical times, cows were for mainly used for dragging farm implements. The dairy of choice was goat and sheep milk. It’s a little thicker than normal milk – about the consistency of an Odwalla smoothie – but not bad at all.

Don a biblical robe
I couldn’t find the exact robe I wore, but here’s one that’s pretty close. The robe is suprisingly comfortable. A man rarely gets to walk around in public with his legs unencumbered by pants.

Burn Myrrh
If you want to smell biblical, try this herb. Though my wife said our apartment smelled like the inside of a cathedral.

Light your house with Olive Oil lamps
I spent many a night literally burning the midnight oil. Here’s two places to get replicas of biblical lamps. Full disclosure: I had trouble figuring out how to properly adjust the wick, so the the flame was alarmingly high. It looked like it could be used in the opening ceremonies of the Olympic Games.


Sit on the Handyseat
If you want to be strict with the biblical impurity laws, you shouldn’t touch women during their ‘time of the month.’ If you want to be REALLY strict with the biblical impurity laws, you shouldn’t lie on a bed where a menstruating woman has lain, and you can’t sit on a chair where she has sat.

( “And everything upon which she lies during her impurity shall be unclean; everything also upon which she sits shall be unclean.” Leviticus 15:20).

Since every subway and restaurant seat is no doubt impure, I had to resort to desperate measures. Namely: The Handy Seat. A portable chair I took with me everywhere. It folks up into a cane. It’s quite cool, even if you just want to be assured of a seat on the

Taste some Kosher crickets
The Bible bans most insects – but it makes an exception for locusts, crickets and grasshoppers. I figured I better take advantage of the loophole and get me some crickets. (Leviticus 11:22)

Avoid lustful gazing
As you know, Hollywood movies have more than their share of coveting and harlotry. Which is where Clearplay comes in.

This is a service that lets you skip the sex and violence. It even lets you customize the list of sins that you want to ban – do you want to nix partial nudity? Or only full frontal? You’re choice.

I rented Kill Bill from this place, just to see what it was like. As you might expect, it was all Bill, no Kill.